i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I want a musical about memes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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