He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I cut my penus on the lid.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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