This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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