youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize