Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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