Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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