One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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