friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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