dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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