Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You don't make any sense
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