Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize