Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Drunk is a universal language darling
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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