i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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