So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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