1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize