I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize