Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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