Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize