And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize