With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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