Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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