i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We got so high we made milksteak
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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