Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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