Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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