I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize