My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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