Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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