where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
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I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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