mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize