It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize