obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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