i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Randomize