I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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