Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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