and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize