He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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