I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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