sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize