saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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