smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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