happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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