am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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