remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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