I'm going to jail i love you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
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She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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