I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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