I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize