we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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