Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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