Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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