I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize